To Bug

I miss you, Bug. I miss being able to hold you and hug you and tickle you everyday. I look forward to our Tuesday night dinners as if they were water in this desert we have to call home for now. I know you need Her now, but someday, maybe, you will decide to come live with me and I will be so happy… I have always abhorred the phrase “broken home”… I pray everyday that your mother and I will be able to give you 2 whole homes and never a broken one… I pray that She won’t tell you bad things about me… I pray that GOD will be so real to you and that HE will make you HIS… I pray that one day you will understand that I had to leave, in order to be good to you and be the best Dad I could be, I had to leave… You asked me, “Why would you move away from me?” and it broke my heart… How do I answer you? I can’t tell you, “Well, She would move you away from me without a second thought”… I explain how great it will be for you to come and visit me and be able to see Grammy and Seanair and Aunt Nancy all the time… you are satisfied… for now…

I love you so much, Bug

“Fish” and Daddy at Border Grill, Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, NV

My hardest job

My friend, Andi, over at kung-fu chicken has written an amazing piece on the place of failure in the lives of our children. As parents, it is so hard to watch our kids fail. My son is an amazing child. I know, I know… I’m his dad, I’m supposed to say that… but he really is!  He is a master of bike riding, Pokemon, Power Rangers, Yugi-Oh!… He knows which Pokemon are evolved from which other Pokemon… He can remember which color Power Ranger each character has been and in which series… He learned to ride his bike w/o training wheels before his 5th birthday and it only took 2 tries… My goal for him this summer was to get him to the beginning of water safety… At least to the point where he would be able to get back to the side if he fell into or jumped (more likely) into water that was over his head… well… summer’s over and he’s there… I’m calling him “Fish” now!  He jumps in, bounces up off the bottom of the pool, turns around and swims back to the side, all without any help from me… wow…

But, he doesn’t “fail” well… He hasn’t learned to accept defeat with grace and with humility… He pouts, he cries, he has been known to scream and punch the couch… I don’t want to get him used to failure, but he won’t always succeed… How do I prepare him?
My parents always told me I was special and smart and talented and gifted…  Am I?  I guess…  But, so what?  Lots of people are talented… I know they never intended it, but I learned that I was entitled because I was talented… that things would be easy for me because I was smart… this is SO not the case…

So.. what?  I don’t know, really… I want my son to know he’s an amazing individual, he’s precious to his mother and me, he’s loved by God, and… he’s just like everybody else….